Monday, May 3, 2010

Becca’s Gonna Valprehend You (If You’re Lucky)

val.pre.hend [vālp'rĭ-hěnd']
v. valprehended, valprehending, valprehends
1. To actively grab or seize with a vagina or rectum. When in reverse cowgirl, she valprehended his cock until he orgasmed and passed out.

Believe it or not, when I write these posts, I think very carefully about the language that I use and the way in which I say things.

Despite how much time I put into thinking about my language, I am not always perfect.

Sometimes, I’m not perfect on purpose because I feel that a less ‘pc’ phrase or statement is more powerful than one that isn’t.

Sometimes, I’m not perfect because I’m writing a blog post in less time than I should because I’ve procrastinated.

And then there are times when I’m not perfect because there is no language with which to describe certain things.

This is how the word ‘Valprehend’ came to be.

A reader sent me a message concerning how they had issues with my Yes, No, Maybe Chart. Not huge issues, but simply issues with the fact that in the section pertaining to penetrative positions, I defined all of them in terms of the penetrator. The critique was that this creates a framework where only the person penetrating gets credit for effort.

And while at first I was like, ‘I’m just trying to make things clear,’ I eventually put my ego in check and realized that my reader was totally right. However, upon examining words that exist, I could not find any that, for me, had the equivalent power of the word ‘penetrate.’

Being someone who has valprehended many a person in her day, I know how active, powerful and strong valprehending can be.

But I hadn’t found a word yet, so I turned to someone that I consider a good resource for sex language, Charlie Glickman.  He also didn’t know of a word, so he suggested we make one up.

So, being as that lots of English is based in greek roots, I scoured the interwebs and found out that Val means strong and Prehend means to grasp or seize. Imagine my joy when I put those together to make a word that has strength, agency, and the same sizzle as penetrate: Valprehend.

I e-mailed my idea to Charlie, and he dug it. He breaks it down in a really great way, so you should check out his post on Valprehending too!

So here’s why I think actually using this word is important, and although there are many viewpoints that could back me up, I’m going to use the one I’ve heard most often from the dudes I’ve been chatting up lately.

A HUGE complaint that I get from lots of these dudes is that they have to do all the work during penetrative sex. They’re the ones thrusting and grinding and riding and whatnot, and their partners are just laying there receiving. While this is okay part of the time, these dudes that I’ve talked to often mention that it would be nice (and hot) if their partner would put in a little more effort.

Although there have been many folks who have valprehended in the past, many who are velprehending right now, and even more who will valprehend in the future, up until this word they were simply ‘receivers.’ Regardless of the work the valprehender was putting in, their actions were reduced to passivity because of the limitations of language. No matter how hard they worked, the receiving partner is never seen as active in language.

Until now.

The word Valprehend is a word that is meant to make people feel powerful (val does mean ‘strong’ after all). It’s specifically designed to bring up the idea of a person doing work, being active, and putting in effort.

And if we all begin to use a word with that meaning, it makes the concept real and makes the activity more likely to occur in reality.

So for all you ladies and gents who identify as penetrators, you should use the word to help your partners get on equal footing and maybe get those passive partners to step up their agency. And for all you receivers out there who have been grasping and grinding and putting in effort, you should use the word to give all your effort meaning.

Although Valprehend may not be a word you shout during sex (unless you’re me and love nerdy sex talk), using Valprehend in everyday conversation can make a world where there is a possibility that anyone can be the active partner.

So go out and have some consensual valprehensive sex. You deserve it!

Keep Thinking (and Valprehending)!



  1. Wow, that's awesome. :D

    You rock my socks! I'll keep using "enveloping" because I find it... easier for me to say. :p But I am hardly opposed to having multiple ways to express something.

  2. this is my favorite post of yours yet! brava!

  3. Thanks for this word. I'm so tired of hearing my normal female sexuality described as some sort of victimhood. I'ma start using this.

  4. Also, it's very poetic. Reminds me of the meld scenes from Avatar.

  5. I <3 it ! I am using it already !!

  6. I'll just leave this here

    Albeit it is specific to using the vagina, there is already a word.