Monday, March 22, 2010

Masturbation is like Basketball Practice

So, with March Madness in the air (oh Bears … at least you made it past the first round), I’d like to take this time to talk about some reasons why fucking yourself is basically the same thing as practicing for a basketball game.

First, let’s define masturbation. Masturbation is when the person giving sexual pleasure to you … is you. And that could look like anything. You could be lying on your stomach, humping your favorite pillow or using vibration on your nipples while you stare at yourself in the mirror or simply thinking sexy thoughts until you get turned on and or/orgasm.

(And BTW, Mutual Masturbation is when you are pleasuring yourself while your partner(s) is pleasuring themselves.  If you're touching each other ... that is mutual manual stimulation.)

To really understand how Masturbation is like basketball practice, I want you to think about playing a full-fledged game of basketball (or whatever sport or exercise you’d like to swap in) without ever having played before. That’s right, you’re a newbie and this is the first time you’ve ever stepped foot on a court. You may have seen some other people play, you may have read some rule books and strategy guides, but you’ve never been in on the action, personally.

Based on the aforementioned scenario, I want to talk about how people would do during this theoretical game.

The rare person is gonna go out onto the court, grab the ball, out-play every other player, and at some point during the game, even possibly break the backboard with a huge slam dunk. I mean, obviously.

Some people will get out there and do alright. They’ll know to dribble, they’ll understand which basket they’re playing toward, and they’ll have a general idea of what will cause a foul. Even though they have an understanding of the game, actual knowledge of physical execution is lacking. They’ll make it through the game; it just might not be pretty.

Then there are those who will get out there, and just fail. They’ll travel, they’ll double dribble, they’ll airball, they’ll get picked, etc. Just plain awful.

Since it is only the rare person who’s gonna go out there and immediately school people … it’s obvious that most people could benefit from what, now kiddies?

That’s right, practice.

If those who were failures had gotten out on the court before the game and practiced dribbling while running and maybe even a little shooting, they may not have been complete failures.

If those who did alright had gotten to translate their knowledge into action before game-time, they may have actually shown some of the other players a thing or two.

Even the natural all-star could benefit from practicing free-throws to make sure that their fundamentals were on lock.

If you haven’t already picked up where this metaphor was going, let me spell it out for you.

Masturbation = Basketball Practice
Sex (However You Define It) = The Basketball Game

So, just like basketball practice preps you for playing in actual games, masturbation preps you for sex play.

When you masturbate, you’re learning the rules of your body.

When playing a game, each basketball player has an individual way in which their body moves as they’re on the court. The way players run, dribble, and shoot will all have individualized style. Practicing is the way in which players figure out what will make them most successful while on the court.

Masturbation is like basketball practice because you’re going to find out how your unique body works. You’ll figure out what feels good when it’s touched, what doesn’t feel so good and what could possibly feel good. As you masturbate more and more, you’ll figure out what pressure, intensity and duration are needed in order to really get you going. This knowledge will give you a huge advantage because it’s something you can share with your partner(s).

When you masturbate alone, you’re contributing to sexual strategy.

So, you’re in basketball practice, and you are the fucking free-throw master. Your free throw is always on point, and you have no problems getting it into the basket. You’ve gotten that good because you also practice shooting free-throws at home in a no-pressure, no-audience situation. You’ve been able to really think about how your body needs to move in order to make the free-throw happen.

Just like shooting free-throws alone, pleasuring yourself alone provides plenty of time to explore in a pressure-free environment. It can just be you and your body and you may figure things out that you wouldn’t think about, or perhaps were too distracted to think about, while someone was watching. You can also practice pleasuring yourself in different ways to increase the number of stimuli that get you off.

If you masturbate with an audience, it contributes to sexual strategy.

If during basketball practice it becomes obvious that you can’t make a 3-point shot to save your life but are a beast in the paint … your teammates are going to know by watching you play during practice. This knowledge will ultimately help your stats and the team’s chances to win. If it’s a clutch moment, they know when to pass to you and when to just let you play D.

When you masturbate in front of a partner(s) (to orgasm or not) you’re showing your partner(s) strategy for success. They can see where and how you touch yourself, they can see what kind of touch gets you revved up, and they may even be able to pick out what kind of touch pushes you over the edge. The more times you’ve practiced (i.e. the more experienced of a masturbator you are), the more this act will be meaningful because of the likelihood that you’ll be better at getting yourself off.

Sometimes, masturbation can sometimes be just as, or more satisfying, than sex.

You’re practicing for a game, and for whatever reason you’re on fire. You’re making all your shots, you’re drawing offensive fouls, and fools are can’t touch you while you’re playing. Even though there wasn’t the same energy as there is during a game, you leave practice feeling great because of what you accomplished. A a good solid practice often feels better than a lost game.

After a solid masturbation session, just like after a solid basketball practice, life can feel pretty good. Although it may not have the same energy and excitement of a game, a good self-pleasuring session always has possibility to leave you feeling good and satisfied afterward.  Also, just like in basketball games, things don't always go as planned.  In times like these, masturbation can be way more fun and satisfying than sex.

Masturbation can prepare you for some things – but not everything – sexual.

So you’ve never played a game before, but you’ve conditioned, shot so many lay-ups you can make them with your eyes closed, and know how to elicit fouls better than anyone on your team. In practice, you’re at the top of your game, but it didn’t prepare you for the noise of the fans in the arena, the heat of the lights, or the way it actually feels to play another team. Although you’ve got those fundamentals down, it is a whole different process to apply them during the game atmosphere.

Masturbation is definitely like basketball practice in this respect. There are just some things you can’t prepare for. The way your partner(s) scent makes your mind go blank … or the fact that your partner’s hands are a different size than yours … or that having sex in a different bed (or not in a bed) changes your response. Also things that may not feel good during masturbation may feel great during sex, and vice versa. So while solo-pleasure is super important to having good sexual game, one also needs to be aware that partnered play also increases sexual game and sexual knowledge.

Going back to the basketball metaphor, its why even sometimes the most promising of freshman recruits or rookies may not shine as brightly as they did at the previous level. Although they have practiced and played before, they have to learn how to adapt their skills to the new arena.

Conclusion: Practice Makes Perfect

Masturbation, orgasms and sex are all learned skills, just like basketball skills. You may not be an all-star your first time out, but there are things you can do to at least up your game a little bit. You wanna get really good? Practice, practice, practice.

(And, just like in sports, practicing sex safely will help make it so that you can avoid being benched due to STIs and/or unexpected pregnancy.)

That’s right, I just gave you permission to touch yourself … often.  So while you're not watching the tournament (even during the half or a commercial if you're so inspired) remember to practice some skill-building self-lovin'!

And, of course…

Keep Thinking!



  1. Is there a follow-up to this about how waiting for marriage makes your wedding night like having to start a Final Four game without ever having played full-contact pick-up?

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  2. Omg. Becca, I hope it's okay to show your blog to my friends. These sexual knowledge-deprived teenagers overseas drive me crazy. >.< The other day, my friend was arguing with me over the difference between a vulva and a vagina. They said that the vulva was just the lips and that the vagina was the ENTIRE thing. I proceeded to prove them wrong by telling them that the vulva was, indeed, the outside and that the vagina was, in fact, the inside. They disagreed with me simply because they didn't take my claim that I taught sex ed and that they were in IB Biology, meaning that they should know more. XD

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