Monday, March 29, 2010

There Are HELLA Myths About G-Spots and P-Spots

Myth: The ‘G’ in G-Spot stands for “Good”

Fact:  The "G" in G-Spot Stands for Grafenburg.

Although, for some, it may feel quite good when stimulated, the “G” actually stands for Grafenburg. As in Dr. Grafenburg; the dude who “discovered” the G-Spot.

Myth: Dudes don’t have G-Spots.

Fact: Hell yeah dudes have G-Spots! 

It’s called the Prostate (although you may have heard it called the Male G-Spot, P-Spot, or A-Spot). From here on out, so as to not confuse the two, I will refer to a lady’s G-Spot as a G-Spot, and a fella’s G-Spot as a P-Spot.

Myth: Once you find your G-Spot or P-Spot, you are going to have the craziest orgasms of your life.

Fact:  The G/P-Spot isn't for everyone.

So, SOME people will start having crazy, intense orgasms once they find their G/P-Spots. For others, G/P-Spot stimulation may not actually be all that exciting. For some, it can even be downright painful. Just like everything in sex, what works for some doesn’t work for everyone.

And lemme tell you, you’re no less of a person if this particular part of your body doesn’t do it for you. I’m sure that there are plenty of amazing spots all over your body that bring you pleasure. So don’t worry if you’re not a fan of the G/P-Spot.

Myth: Someone was playing with my G-Spot, and I orgasmed so hard, I peed all over my bed.

Fact: Fejac and Pee are NOT the same thing.

Although I know that after you had an orgasm you looked down and there was probably one hell of a wet-spot … if your G-Spot was being played with, chances are you just ejaculated. Female ejaculate (or Fejac as the ladies of Female Sexuality liked to call it), has been chemically tested and is actually chemically similar to the fluid that comes out of the prostate.

Also, the volume of Fejac can range from 2 tsps up to 1 cup! Which means you may experience a wet spot … or you may experience a small lake of fejac on your bed. Either way, enjoy it (and maybe have some towels on hand)!

Did you just read this and go, “Me! Me! I wanna do it!”

In order to reach your Fejaculatory Potential (that phrase is straight copywrited, fools), try having a clitoral orgasm (or two) without anything in the vagina. Then, bring yourself to orgasm with G-Spot stimulation included. The more turned on you get, the more likely the G-Spot will expel fluid. If you’re not a lady who can have more than one orgasm per session, bring yourself to the brink of orgasm a couple times and then go for the G-Spot stimulation.

Remember, not all people can Fejac, so if you don’t reach your Fejaculatory Potential, no worries. At least the journey will be fun.

Myth: The G/P-Spot is in the same place for everyone.

Fact: There is a general location, but the location of G/P-Spots vary.

Think of G/P-Spots like they’re noses. Even though the nose will generally be found below eyes and above mouths, where they are in that space can vary.

It’s the same basic principle for the G/P-Spot. It will always be on the anterior wall of the vagina or rectum. Anterior means the top wall, or the wall closest to someone’s bellybutton. But some people’s G/P-Spots are really close to the openings of their bodies, and some people’s G/P-Spots are farther back.

That being said, don’t expect someone else to just know where your G/P-Spot is. If they’re searching around for it help them out by communicating that they’re on the right track (for example: “You have located my G/P-Spot. Excellent work.” OR “OOOOOHHHH GOOODDDD YESS. THERE. THERE. THERE.”)

Myth: Once you find your G/P-Spot, it will always feel good when you stimulate it.

Fact: Your G/P-Spot sensitivity can change.

For some this true. G/P-Spot stimulation feels good anytime they are in a consensual sexual experience. However, sometimes getting pleasure from G/P-Spot stimulation happens, and sometimes it doesn’t. It can depend on things like how turned on you are, who your partner is, where you’re at in your menstrual cycle, the nature of your poops that day, whether or not you’ve been drinking, etc.

So if one day your G/P-Spot is the best thing ever and the next day it’s just not doing it for you … never fear, that is totally legit.

Myth: I was looking for my own G-Spot and I couldn’t find it … so I probably don’t have one.

Fact: Your G-Spot may have been 'hiding.'

This one is specifically for our lady-bodied people. The prostate in fellas is shaped like a walnut and is always protruding into the rectum. That’s why Docs can find it pretty easily when they’re doing a prostate exam (which, by the way fellas, you should start getting at age 40/50).

But, for our ladies. So, you’re like “I’m gonna find my g-spot today.” You strip down, you put some fingers in your vag, and you search around and you’re like …”WTF, where is it?”

Instead of concluding that you don’t have one, try getting yourself turned on first. Watch some lady-friendly, non misogynistic porn. Read some erotica. Diddle your pearl (i.e. masturbate your clitoris, sucka). Have a dirty talk session with your boo on G-Chat. Whatever works best for you.

Then, after you’ve gotten plenty turned on, try to find your G-Spot once again. You may find that with the increased blood flow to the pelvis everything is more sensitive and finding the G-Spot is easier. If you’re having issues getting the angle right on your own, you may also want to use a G-Spot toy (a toy with a curve, generally) OR ask your favorite sex partner to come on over and lend a hand.

Pun TOTALLY intended.

Note:  If you do happen to find your G-Spot, there is a chance that when you first play with it, you'll feel like you have to pee.  If you just let this feeling ride for 10-30 seconds, there's a chance the 'needing to pee' feeling will go away.  If it doesn't go away, you may just need to pee.  Crazy, right?

Myth: Only gay dudes let people play with their P-Spots.

Fact: As someone who has personal experience playing with the P-Spots of some of the straightest dudes I know … all I can say is this is hella not true.

They may have let me put my fingers in their butts, they may have moaned and asked for more, but at the end of the day, they only enjoyed every skillfully implemented moment because there was a hot lady doing it.

Something I encourage every man, woman, and post-pubescent child to do is think about how homophobia may be limiting your sex life. Doing things that gay people happen to do doesn’t make you gay. In fact the only thing that does make you gay is if you look at yourself and say, “Dude, I’m gay.” True story.

But, getting back to the P-Spot. If you let someone play inside your butt and you like it, what that means about you is that you like when people play inside your butt. It may also mean that you’ve opened up a whole new avenue of pleasure for yourself.

AND letting someone play with your P-Spot (or just ejaculating on a regular basis, for that matter) can help to reduce the risks of prostate cancer later in life by regularly flushing potentially carcinogenic (cancer causing) cells. You could be saving your own life by letting someone play with your P-Spot.

Myth: If someone wants to play with a P-Spot they have to go through the rectum.

Fact: You can indirectly access the P-Spot by playing with the taint.

To directly play with the P-Spot, this is true. It does require fingers or toys or penises covered in lube (the lube part is important) going inside someone’s butt.

However, you can indirectly stimulate the P-Spot through the perineal body (also known as the Taint, The Gootch, or The Grundle). It’s that spot between the balls and the anus. If you put firm upward pressure on that spot you’re directly stimulating the root of the penis AND you’re indirectly stimulating the P-Spot.

Myth: I have one more myth to talk about.

Fact: I don’t. 

BUT, one last thing to take with you is, whether you own a G-Spot OR a P-Spot, your brain is still the most powerful sex organ you own. Especially if you’re a first time G/P-Spot user, I recommend looking for your G/P-Spot at a time when you’re least likely to be distracted (and that means either distracted in the moment OR distracted by things happening in life).

I wish you and your G/P-Spots the best!

Keep Thinking


Thursday, March 25, 2010

A Journey Through Sexually Transmitted INFECTIONS

Some of you who aren’t in the sex ed world may notice that throughout my blog posts I refrain from using the acronym ‘STD,’ and instead use the acronym ‘STI.’

Have you ever wondered why?

I am going to take you on a journey through STIs to give you the lowdown on what I think is important for everyone to know.  This journey will also enlighten you as to why I'm ditching the 'D.'

1. STIs come in two basic varieties: Curable and Treatable.
What does “curable” mean? It means that if you get it treated right away, the antibiotics get the infection completely out of your body. Of the most common STIs, the following are curable: Chlamydia, Gonorrhea (The Clap), Syphilis, Trichomoniasis and Pubic Lice (Crabs).

The other four STIs are classified as “treatable.” This means that while there are no medications available to get them out of your system completely, they are manageable with a regiment of medications. HIV/AIDS, Herpes, Hepatitis, and HPV (Genital Warts) are all treatable STIs.

Want an easy way to remember the difference?  Of the most common STIs, all the treatable ones start with “H.”

Side Note:  You can’t cure crabs by shaving off all your pubes (or even waxing for that matter). Why not? Because the little bugs in your pubes lay eggs in the hair follicle. Even if you don’t have a bushy forest for them to grow in, it’s possible for the eggs to last long enough to sustain your infestation when your pubes grow back in. The only way out of a crab infestation is to get a medicated pube shampoo from a clinician.

2. When treated, STIs will not kill you.
Unless you leave an STI in your body without taking medication, you shouldn’t have any fear of STI related death.

And because of the advances in HIV meds, people are living long, long periods of time.  And although HIV sets up your immune system for failure, it is actually an opportunistic infection (i.e. a type of illness that wouldn't normally kill you, or wouldn't affect a healthy immune system) that becomes cause of death for folks that have HIV/AIDS.

3. The most common thing that will happen to your body when you get an STI is …

That’s right kiddies. Even without symptoms, you still have the STI. This means that you can still spread it to others AND that it’s still in your body. If you leave some STIs in the body untreated they can result in complications to your reproductive system later on down the road.  Also, if you’ve been rocking STI symptoms and they go away … that doesn’t mean the STI is gone. You could totally still spread whatever you’ve got.

4. How do you figure out if you have an STI?  Get tested.  When?

At a time where someone calls you up and says “Um, hey brah, I have Chlamydia. I’m pretty sure I had it while we hooked up.” That’s a time where you should get tested right away.

Or maybe, you’ve decided that you and your partner are going to (safely, of course) stop using condoms. That’s a time where you should get tested right away

Or you look down and your genitals are unexplainably itchy, drippy, smelly, swollen, bumpy, or in any other way not looking or feeling like they usually look or feel. That’s a time where you should get tested right away.

Or if you’re deciding to sleep with somebody new and you happen to have two weeks to wait for test results. That’s a time where you should get tested right away.

If none of that is going down, rocking to your doc every 6 months for an STI screening is a good call. Note: This is even important if you’re in a long-term monogamous relationship. Not because STIs will magically arise out of thin air, but because People Are Probably Going To Sleep Around, Even If They’re In A Relationship.

5. STIs are spread through sexual contact.
Like i just mentioned, STIs don't just magically appear.  Either you or one of your partners has to have one for it to spread.  If one of you does have an STI, keep reading to see what kinds of stuff will spread an STI.

If you’ve got a penis, you can spread or get an STI when you…
• Put your penis in an anus (butthole).
• Put your penis in a vagina.
• Put your penis in someone’s mouth.
• Rub your penis on someone else’s penis, vulva or anus (without putting it inside).

If you’ve got a vagina, you can spread or get an STI when you…
• Wrap your vagina around a penis.
• Wrap your vagina around a sex toy that someone else used without cleaning it first.

If you’ve got a vulva, you can spread or get an STI when you…
• Put your vulva in someone’s mouth.
• Rub your vulva on someone else’s vulva, penis, or anus.

If you’ve got an anus, you can spread or get an STI when you…
• Wrap your anus around a penis.
• Wrap your anus around a sex toy that someone else used without cleaning it first.
• Put your anus in someone’s mouth.
• Rub your anus on someone else’s anus, vulva, or penis.

6. There are things that are more likely to spread an STI than others.
The order is Anus-Penis Sex, Vagina-Penis Sex, Oral Sex, and then Skin-To-Skin Contact.

STIs can also sometimes be spread with fingers, but the likelihood is pretty low. Wait, how, you ask? If you’ve got an open cut on your fingers, an STI that travels via blood could possibly get into your partner, or your partners fluids could possibly carry an STI into your blood stream.

7. STIs are preventable.
One of these ones is not like the other one. Guess which one and think about why!

• You’re on public transportation and the person who you were lucky enough to get crammed next to coughs on you the whole bus ride home. You wake up the next morning with a wicked cold.
• You’re walking down the street and all of a sudden a crazy dog starts chasing you and bites your forearm. You go to the hospital to get patched up and find out you’ve got rabies.
• You’re having sex with a slammin’ hottie and you decide you want to fuck them without latex getting in the way. You wake up a week later and your genitals are dripping and itchy.

I’ll give you a moment to think.

So, obviously the third one is the one that’s different. Why? Because of the choice factor.  Although you could choose to not take the bus, walk down the street, or have sex ... you can’t choose who you stand next to on the bus, you can’t choose not to get attacked by a rabid dog, BUT you damn well can choose to use a condom when you're fucking.

Important Note: I want to acknowledge that despite my former example there are times when people are forced to have sex against their will and contract STIs as a result. Obviously in a scenario like that, there is little choice in being able to prevent an STI.

8. Barrier?
When we’re talking about sex, a barrier is a piece of latex (or sometimes Polyurethane or Polyisoprene) that stops STIs from jumping from one body to the next.

Condoms can be used when a penis involved, either during insertion OR during oral. Condoms can also be used when there are plans to share sex toys. Dental dams or plastic wrap can be used on a vulva or anus during oral sex. Gloves can be used over fingers.

REALLY IMPORTANT NOTE: DO NOT. And I mean seriously … DO NOT try to use plastic wrap (or plastic bags or sandwich bags) as condoms. Seriously. It won’t work.

9. Condoms are pretty damn good, but not perfect in preventing STIs.
Condoms have been shown to be super effective in preventing STI transmission when they’re used correctly.

However, some STIs (like Herpes and HPV) can spread through skin-to-skin contact. So if there are any parts the condom isn’t covering, STIs could spread.

And … sometimes condoms fail. There is a 2% chance that any condom you use (even if you’ve used it perfectly) will malfunction.

This means that the most effective way to prevent an STI is through avoiding all the activities listed in #4. That doesn’t stop you from some hot dry humping, a sexy massage, convincing your partner to rock a sexy strip tease for you, or even jacking off out a window. (That last one is stolen from Ricky Gervais’ standup.) There are some seriously creative ways you can still have hot sex with your partner without putting yourself at risk.

10. Time to bring it home.
So, now that you know all this new information about STIs, why is it that there has been a switch from using ‘disease’ to using ‘infection?’

Disease. Say it out loud (or think it in your head if you’re at work). What do you think about?

When I asked this question to high school students, the answer I usually got went something like, “When you have a disease, you get really really really sick. And then you probably die.” Not only is that the connotation that comes with the word disease … but then there’s also the idea that it’s uncontrollable and non-preventable. Also, if we’re talking specifically about the definition of disease, it is generally associated with some sort of symptom.

Now think about the word infection. Say it and/or think it. What do you think of now?

Still not the most pleasant of words, but ‘infection’ definitely has a different swagger than disease. It’s still not something you want, but it does have the connotation of at least being something manageable. Infection is defined by the characteristic of the body being invaded and preyed upon by whatever has gotten in there.

Although there are lots of justifications that folks have come up with in terms of phasing out the "D", the information I've shared with you today shows you why I use STI instead of STD.  I feel like calling them STDs would be misidentifying them both in terms of raw definitions AND in terms of the connotations associated with them.  As someone who likes to promote accuracy, calling them STDs, to me, feels inaccurate.

And now, my friends, you know.

Keep Thinking.


Monday, March 22, 2010

Masturbation is like Basketball Practice

So, with March Madness in the air (oh Bears … at least you made it past the first round), I’d like to take this time to talk about some reasons why fucking yourself is basically the same thing as practicing for a basketball game.

First, let’s define masturbation. Masturbation is when the person giving sexual pleasure to you … is you. And that could look like anything. You could be lying on your stomach, humping your favorite pillow or using vibration on your nipples while you stare at yourself in the mirror or simply thinking sexy thoughts until you get turned on and or/orgasm.

(And BTW, Mutual Masturbation is when you are pleasuring yourself while your partner(s) is pleasuring themselves.  If you're touching each other ... that is mutual manual stimulation.)

To really understand how Masturbation is like basketball practice, I want you to think about playing a full-fledged game of basketball (or whatever sport or exercise you’d like to swap in) without ever having played before. That’s right, you’re a newbie and this is the first time you’ve ever stepped foot on a court. You may have seen some other people play, you may have read some rule books and strategy guides, but you’ve never been in on the action, personally.

Based on the aforementioned scenario, I want to talk about how people would do during this theoretical game.

The rare person is gonna go out onto the court, grab the ball, out-play every other player, and at some point during the game, even possibly break the backboard with a huge slam dunk. I mean, obviously.

Some people will get out there and do alright. They’ll know to dribble, they’ll understand which basket they’re playing toward, and they’ll have a general idea of what will cause a foul. Even though they have an understanding of the game, actual knowledge of physical execution is lacking. They’ll make it through the game; it just might not be pretty.

Then there are those who will get out there, and just fail. They’ll travel, they’ll double dribble, they’ll airball, they’ll get picked, etc. Just plain awful.

Since it is only the rare person who’s gonna go out there and immediately school people … it’s obvious that most people could benefit from what, now kiddies?

That’s right, practice.

If those who were failures had gotten out on the court before the game and practiced dribbling while running and maybe even a little shooting, they may not have been complete failures.

If those who did alright had gotten to translate their knowledge into action before game-time, they may have actually shown some of the other players a thing or two.

Even the natural all-star could benefit from practicing free-throws to make sure that their fundamentals were on lock.

If you haven’t already picked up where this metaphor was going, let me spell it out for you.

Masturbation = Basketball Practice
Sex (However You Define It) = The Basketball Game

So, just like basketball practice preps you for playing in actual games, masturbation preps you for sex play.

When you masturbate, you’re learning the rules of your body.

When playing a game, each basketball player has an individual way in which their body moves as they’re on the court. The way players run, dribble, and shoot will all have individualized style. Practicing is the way in which players figure out what will make them most successful while on the court.

Masturbation is like basketball practice because you’re going to find out how your unique body works. You’ll figure out what feels good when it’s touched, what doesn’t feel so good and what could possibly feel good. As you masturbate more and more, you’ll figure out what pressure, intensity and duration are needed in order to really get you going. This knowledge will give you a huge advantage because it’s something you can share with your partner(s).

When you masturbate alone, you’re contributing to sexual strategy.

So, you’re in basketball practice, and you are the fucking free-throw master. Your free throw is always on point, and you have no problems getting it into the basket. You’ve gotten that good because you also practice shooting free-throws at home in a no-pressure, no-audience situation. You’ve been able to really think about how your body needs to move in order to make the free-throw happen.

Just like shooting free-throws alone, pleasuring yourself alone provides plenty of time to explore in a pressure-free environment. It can just be you and your body and you may figure things out that you wouldn’t think about, or perhaps were too distracted to think about, while someone was watching. You can also practice pleasuring yourself in different ways to increase the number of stimuli that get you off.

If you masturbate with an audience, it contributes to sexual strategy.

If during basketball practice it becomes obvious that you can’t make a 3-point shot to save your life but are a beast in the paint … your teammates are going to know by watching you play during practice. This knowledge will ultimately help your stats and the team’s chances to win. If it’s a clutch moment, they know when to pass to you and when to just let you play D.

When you masturbate in front of a partner(s) (to orgasm or not) you’re showing your partner(s) strategy for success. They can see where and how you touch yourself, they can see what kind of touch gets you revved up, and they may even be able to pick out what kind of touch pushes you over the edge. The more times you’ve practiced (i.e. the more experienced of a masturbator you are), the more this act will be meaningful because of the likelihood that you’ll be better at getting yourself off.

Sometimes, masturbation can sometimes be just as, or more satisfying, than sex.

You’re practicing for a game, and for whatever reason you’re on fire. You’re making all your shots, you’re drawing offensive fouls, and fools are can’t touch you while you’re playing. Even though there wasn’t the same energy as there is during a game, you leave practice feeling great because of what you accomplished. A a good solid practice often feels better than a lost game.

After a solid masturbation session, just like after a solid basketball practice, life can feel pretty good. Although it may not have the same energy and excitement of a game, a good self-pleasuring session always has possibility to leave you feeling good and satisfied afterward.  Also, just like in basketball games, things don't always go as planned.  In times like these, masturbation can be way more fun and satisfying than sex.

Masturbation can prepare you for some things – but not everything – sexual.

So you’ve never played a game before, but you’ve conditioned, shot so many lay-ups you can make them with your eyes closed, and know how to elicit fouls better than anyone on your team. In practice, you’re at the top of your game, but it didn’t prepare you for the noise of the fans in the arena, the heat of the lights, or the way it actually feels to play another team. Although you’ve got those fundamentals down, it is a whole different process to apply them during the game atmosphere.

Masturbation is definitely like basketball practice in this respect. There are just some things you can’t prepare for. The way your partner(s) scent makes your mind go blank … or the fact that your partner’s hands are a different size than yours … or that having sex in a different bed (or not in a bed) changes your response. Also things that may not feel good during masturbation may feel great during sex, and vice versa. So while solo-pleasure is super important to having good sexual game, one also needs to be aware that partnered play also increases sexual game and sexual knowledge.

Going back to the basketball metaphor, its why even sometimes the most promising of freshman recruits or rookies may not shine as brightly as they did at the previous level. Although they have practiced and played before, they have to learn how to adapt their skills to the new arena.

Conclusion: Practice Makes Perfect

Masturbation, orgasms and sex are all learned skills, just like basketball skills. You may not be an all-star your first time out, but there are things you can do to at least up your game a little bit. You wanna get really good? Practice, practice, practice.

(And, just like in sports, practicing sex safely will help make it so that you can avoid being benched due to STIs and/or unexpected pregnancy.)

That’s right, I just gave you permission to touch yourself … often.  So while you're not watching the tournament (even during the half or a commercial if you're so inspired) remember to practice some skill-building self-lovin'!

And, of course…

Keep Thinking!


Thursday, March 18, 2010

Becca's Back In the Pleasure Party Business!

I was having some major writers block last night, so my apologies that this is late.

Before I begin. Remember my Yes, No, Maybe Chart post? Well Charlie Glickman, PhD (my former boss and all around awesome dude) wrote a great blog post on the topic. Check it out!

So, as many of you may (or may not) know, when I was chillin’ back in San Francisco after I graduated from Cal, I got a gig with Good Vibrations as a pleasure party consultant. I was the senior-most pleasure party consultant for the company until they discontinued their program in late 2008.

As of a couple weeks ago, it looks like I’m getting back in the game!

Since it’s on my brain and I can’t muster up anything else (and even though I know this is shameless self promotion), I’m going to talk about reasons why pleasure parties are awesome!

#1 A Sex Toy Store (basically) comes to you!
Just by setting up a date, time, location, and inviting 10-100 of your dearest friends, a person who has some serious Sex Toy expertise will trot out to your house with a bag full of sex toys and answer all your burning questions about how sex toys can make a great addition to your bag-o-sex-tricks.

If you happen to get a rep with major education (like yours truly), you can also get hella other sex questions answered as well.

#2 You never have to leave your comfort zone.
For some folks, rocking into a sex toy store ain’t no thang. For others who have never been in sex shops, who live too far away from good sex shops, OR who possibly had a bad experience in a skeezy sex shop … going to a sex shop might not be within their comfort zone.

Parties are great if you’re really interested in toys, but aren’t interested in being a public space while you learn about them. You can be in the comfort of your own home, or at least in the comfort of a friend’s home.

#3 If you don’t have a lot of experience with sex toys, having a Pleasure Party rep there to help you out can be just what you need.
Because they know the product line pretty well, they'll be able to listen to what your needs are, what you're looking to use the toy for, and steer you in the direction of the best sex toy for you!

#4 Pleasure Parties are a fun way to celebrate basically anything.
Seriously anything. A birthday, marriage, a new baby, graduation from college, Thursday … whatever.

Pleasure Parties are a super cool way to get friends together and hang out AND learn a whole bunch about toys and your body.

#5 You can even do Pleasure Parties in the store.
Don't want to open your home up?  Don't want to have to clean up after the party?  Many sex shops that do pleasure parties will allow you to host a party in the store either during store hours or after-hours. Which means that after your official presentation, you get the added bonus of being able to take your sex toy home right away (instead of waiting for it to be shipped to you).

Pleasure parties are way fun, and wherever you live, if you get a chance to either host or attend a pleasure party, it’s an experience I highly recommend!

As per me, I will be doing pleasure parties through The Velvet Lily, an up-and-coming store in the Northern Liberties Area in Philadelphia. If you're currently living in or around Philly, you can click here to book a party. If you want me as your rep, put “I’d like Becca as my rep’ in the ‘comments’ section!

Also, here’s a fun review of the store that you can check out!

Keep Thinking!


Monday, March 15, 2010

Condom Shopping


In the past, I have been guilty of educating that condoms will fit any penis. I’ve blown up condoms to the size of large watermelons and asked classrooms full of students if they thought any human’s penis was bigger than the blown up condom. No? Then, it’ll probably fit, right?

Well, yes. It is true that you can force a condom onto pretty much any penis … but as my penis’ed brethren may know … just because it fits doesn’t mean it feels good.

And that’s because it’s true that condoms mute sensation during penetrative sex. It’s the trade-off for STI and/or pregnancy prevention.

With that being said, you can still totally find condoms that will work with you, and will probably also come across some that will work against you. Which condom is which varies greatly from dude to dude, lady to lady, couple to couple, and even session to session. So … how do you figure out which condom is best for you? You gotta think about a couple things, and then you’ve gotta do some exploration.

Here are some tips for stuff to think about when you hit up that huge wall o’condoms at your local drug store.

#1 Material

Condoms currently come in four materials. I will list out some details about each.

Latex. Someone give you a free condom? It’s probably going to be a latex condom. If you’re buying condoms, these will have the lowest prices on the shelves, generally.

Polyisoprene (Lifestyles Skyn Condoms) – Does your skin get itchy or swollen when you use latex? Then these are a great alternative. They’re usually a bit more expensive than Latex, but not by much.

Polyurethane (Trojan Supra) – Also a non-latex style. These tend to be more expensive than polyisoprene or latex. These condoms also tend to be wider than ‘standard’ condoms, so they may not fit smaller penises.

Lamb Skin – These DO NOT. I repeat DO NOT protect from STIs. They will keep you from getting pregnant, but you could still get an STI while wearing a lambskin condom. These are by far, the most expensive of all condoms. The reason? Most are made from sheep intestine. It’s much more expensive to harvest intestine than it is to manufacture the other three materials. (Word.)

#2 Brand
This is one where it’s definitely different strokes for different folks. People have their total go-to brand, some people can use any brand of condoms, and some people go through phases.

Don’t know what brand you like? Go to your local sex-shop or go online and between one of the two you'll be able to find a sample pack of your liking.

Buy a condom sampler, and get ready to experiment. You don’t have to try to the whole condom sampler in one night, but I do recommend trying 2-3 condoms per session. (You don’t have to ejaculate 2-3 times, but you can take the condoms off mid-session and swap in a new one). This way, instead of forgetting which condoms you liked or didn’t like, you’ll at least remember the best of the three.

#3 Size
Although you can go to this website and get custom sized condoms (at least until the end of March, as it looks like they may be discontinuing production), condoms generally come in three sizes.

Now before I begin this, I need to iterate that buying condoms should NOT be about you or your partners’ ego. Whether you walk out of the store with Slims or XLs, I feel like you should be damn proud of yourself for being smart, regardless of what those condoms say about the size of the penis they’re going to be put on.

The first size range you’ll find is for folks with penises on the smaller side. If you look for words like “Slim” or “Snug Fit,” those should totally help you get the job done.

The second size range is ‘standard.’ This is for folks with average sized penises. How big is an average sized penis? 5 – 6 inches long. Most condoms that are ‘one size’ or have no sort of markings to show they are different sizes are ‘standard.’

The third: XL, XXL, Xtra Wide, Large, etc. These are for penises that are generally wider than the average penis. Now, I have no stats on penis width, so I will say this. If the ring at the bottom of the condom is really uncomfortable or even painful at the base of your penis, you may need to shop for a larger condom. Although they can be, many XL condoms aren’t much longer than standard condoms.

#4 Thickness
So, the thicker a condom, the less sensation passes through that condom. Although using lube can help to increase the sensitivity, if your condom is 8 inches thick … it’s not going to feel good.

Now … I don’t know how thick every condom is, but something that is true is condoms made by US manufacturers tend toward the thicker side.

Your best bet, if you really want to avoid thick condoms is to go for a Japanese brand (Like Kimono) OR just look for the words “thin” on the package.

#5 Shape/Texture
Now, let’s talks bumps, ridges, nubs, etc. Do these do anything? Not for everyone. Some folks can feel the nubs or ridges because their bodies are super sensitive. Other folks can’t feel things like that at all.

One’s best bet in terms of finding condoms that may feel different is looking into condoms with non-traditional designs. For example, the Pleasure Plus condom essentially has extra space in the head of the condom. This extra space allows for the head of the penis to ‘breathe’ a bit more. There are condoms that have extra room in the head, spiral shapes … all kinds of stuff.

#7 Lubed Up or Not
So, some condoms come with lube already added, some are non-lubricated, and some are spermicidally lubricated. So which do you choose?

Most condoms that read ‘lubricated’ will have a silicone based lubricant already applied (some may be water based). If you’re into more lube, this may not be enough, but at least it’s there.

Non-lubricated condoms are … well … not lubricated. They’re usually covered in a white powder (so the latex doesn’t fuse together) and they are BONE DRY. You should buy these if you are a lube snob and only have a specific kind of lube you like. OR, if perhaps you or your partners have sensitive tissues that require that you only use a certain kind of lubricant.

Spermicidally Lubricated Condoms. As an educator … I don’t advocate for these personally. Although the idea of spermicide is cool, the chemical agent used in spermicide (nonoxynol – 9) can be irritating to tissues. When tissues are irritated, they are more likely to let STIs in.

Also, just because we’re on the topic … adding 1-3 drops of lube on the inside of a condom can make it feel better for the person wearing it. But remember … only 1-3 drops. If you put anymore lube than that on the inside of a condom … it could slip off. Whoops!

And! Using flavored condoms for intercourse is a poor choice. They break a lot easier AND the lube on those can burn for the person on the receiving end. No fun.

#8 Some last things to keep in mind.
Sharing sex toys has the potential to spread STIs as well. If you are sharing sex toys, throw a condom over it, and then change the condoms between partners.

In terms of condom use, remember to check your expiration dates, pinch that tip as you roll the condom down, change your condom any time you lose wood AND when you’re pulling out, make sure you hold on to that bottom ring so the condom doesn’t slip out inside your partner.

Keep your condoms in a cool, dry, sharp-object free place. That means no wallets, no pockets (for long periods of time), and don’t keep a condom free-floating in a purse or backpack.

Altoids Tins make great condom cases.

I feel like this is a no-brainer at this point … but just in case … remember … DO NOT put oil on condoms. Things like lotions, massage oils, chap-stick (word), Vaseline, etc will pop your condom. (If you want to do something fun, you can blow up a condom and rub baby oil on it for a bit. That’ll teach you what oil does to condoms real quick.)

If you are planning on fucking (or even if you’re not) … prep by packing a condom. Condoms are everyone’s responsibility. And hey, you never know when a friend might need to borrow one.

Have fun Condom Shopping. Have more fun condom sampling.

Keep Thinking!


Thursday, March 11, 2010

Another Wasted Night At The Bar: Legit Reasons to Think About Online Dating

So, there are lots of reasons to go to Bars. Drinking, dancing, de-stressing, chillin’ with your peeps, escaping your reality … whatevs.

But a big reason why people go to Bars is because it is a socially acceptable place to look for love (whether that be a night of lovin’ or the love of your life).

However, after a couple convos with friends, acquaintances, and a stranger or two, I’ve come to realize that while folks totally dig on bars, there are some laments in terms of finding quality hook-ups or quality love at bars.

So they ask me, “Becca, where do I go instead?”

And my first answer is always “Online.”

To which I am met with shock and despair. “Becca, obviously only desperate, sad, ugly, pathetic, losers shop for love online right?”

To which I reply, “What is this, 1996? Get with it, suckas. Not just the desperate are turning to online sources for anything from a hook-up to long-term love. Many totally healthy and well-adjusted folks have found that in an age where the only spaces just for young single people seem to be bars, more and more young, hot people are turning to the internet for quality connections.”

To which they reply, “I dunno, brah. Still sounds sketchy.”

To which I reply, “Well, here are some things to think about.”

#1 Alcohol
So you’re at a bar. You see a CRAZY hottie shaking their groove thang on the dance floor. You take another sip of your 4th or 5th drink of the night and you walk on over and ask if you can shake it with them. You guys dance a little bit, chat a little bit, and then at one point one of you asks the other if you’d like to go home with them. You’re passionately making out, you start to get naked.

And then someone’s dick doesn’t work, or someone’s clit isn’t sensitive enough, or shit is just plain sloppy, or you can’t get the condom on correctly, or you wake up the next morning not remembering how you got there, or you wake up the next morning and realize that the hottie was NOT actually a hottie. Another wasted night because of the bar.

Alcohol, as we know, both impairs judgment and actually creates physiological barriers where sexy messages don’t get to the brain as clearly.

By dating online, the decision making process (unless you’re getting wasted while surfing profiles), is sober. Which means that you’ll have more ability to be discriminatory when choosing whose ads you’re going to answer, or whose profiles actually strike your fancy. When you meet someone in person, you can even choose to skip the alcohol altogether.

#2 Shy Folks
So, you’re at a bar. You’re really shy. You have a couple drinks to try to shake off some inhibition. But really, you’re still shy after a couple drinks. You wait for someone to approach you. Nobody does. Another wasted night at the bar.

If you’re the type that, even with a few drinks in the system, has issues just walking up to folks and talking to them, an online venture may be perfect. You have time to carefully think about what you’d like to say, you have lots of time to think carefully about messaging the person in the first place, and then you have lots of time to decide whether or not you’d like to meet them in person. You can also be straight up and put in your profile “I am kind of shy, but I love responding to messages, so hit me up, brah!”

#3 Rejection
So, you’re at a bar. You see a mad hottie. You go up and introduce yourself, offer to buy them a drink. They laugh at you and say no. Or they chat with you, and you think you’re doing really well, only for them to ditch you for the first Jersey Shore lookalike (no offense meant if that’s what you look like. Good for you for scoring a hottie!). Not only did you get straight rejected, but now you have to watch the object of your advances grind up against another person all night. When you return to the bar next week, they’re there, and you have to relive the rejection. Another wasted night at the bar.

When you message people online, usually the worst thing that happens when you’re getting a rejection is people don’t message back. In the best rejections they do message back, but are polite about it. Sometimes people are blunt can say pretty f’ed up things when they reject you online. But, usually no one is there to witness the rejection. A huge bonus for folks who aren’t a fan of being rejected to their faces. Also, the chances of you ever seeing that person in the non-online world are pretty slim.

#4 Specific Needs
So, you’re at a bar. You figure, it’s a bar, there are bound to be a good variety of folks to choose from. You happen to be a sugar daddy and/or momma looking for a sugar baby with a Jewish background. You look around and proposition everyone in the bar. But all the people you talk to are either catholic or aren’t interested in being your sugar baby. Another wasted night at the bar.

Because many people are hooked into the internets, there are a variety of ways to find exactly what you want. Some sites connect you to other people through demographic specific marketing (like dating sites for the Jewish community). Some sites connect you to other people through relationship specific marketing (like dating sites for sugar babies and sugar daddies/mommas). Other sites are larger communities for people of all backgrounds where you can choose options for nature of relationships you’re looking for (casual, FWB, long-term, etc). And then there are even sites where you simply place an ad looking for EXACTLY what you want (someone who wants to give me non-reciprocated head while I sing the national anthem).

#5 Variety
So, you’re at a bar. Let’s say there are 100 people in that bar. Hella people from whom to choose the love of your life, right? Except, 50 of those people are not of your preferred gender. 26 of those people are already in relationships. Of the 24 that are left, 3 are not your preferred orientation, 15 are not of your preferred aesthetics, and 4 are not going to be interested in you. Which leaves you with 2 possibilities. Let’s hope they’re not D-Bags. Because if they are … it’ll just be another wasted night at the bar.

So, that’s an obviously exaggerated example, but statistically speaking you will find both greater variety AND larger numbers of people online. Instead of 100 people to choose from, you may be looking at up to 10000 profiles. And because the love of your life may not live in Manayunk (believe me, mine doesn’t), searching online may help you to find that person across town, across the state, across the country, or across the world that totally rocks your socks off. Statistically speaking, online dating gives you access to a greater variety and volume of people.

#6 D-Bags
So, you’re at a bar. You’re kicking it with friends, looking slammin’ and scoping the bar for hotties. But people keep being all up in your business talking to you. Offering to buy you drinks, asking you if you wanna dance. But they’re all douchey about it. You fend them off, but it’s get old telling people you’re not interested. So many douchebags talk to you, you just get frustrated and give up on finding an actual connection. Another wasted night at the bar.

With online dating, you have so much choice and control over who you talk to. People can message you and hit you up, but you have the option to not message them back. Also, in cases where people are persistent, there are often options to block people from being able to contact you. So instead of having to have your friends run defense, you can just have the website programming do it for you. (You can also put, “Don’t message me if you’re a douche,” in your profile.)

#7 Dealbreakers
So, you’re at a bar. You’ve totally hit it off with this major slammin’ hottie. They’re smart, funny, consume all the same media that you do (including Becca’s Sex Blog). They lean in, you get butterflies in your stomach, and they ask “Wanna go outside and grab a cigarette?” And you’re like “No. Fuck. Dealbreaker. Sorry.” You explain that your ex-partner had a terrible smoking habit and you just can’t handle kissing ash-tray mouth ever again. Another wasted night at the bar.

Don’t want a long term relationship? Don’t like cigarette smokers? Don’t want someone who has kids? Don’t want a pet owner? With online dating, you can screen for lots of dealbreakers ahead of time. When meeting someone at a bar it may be off-putting for you to be like “Hi, my name is Becca, you’re hot, but I’m not really interested in talking to you if you want kids in the future.” In the online world, that is both totally legit AND expected behavior. It’s cool to lay everything out in blunt, open terms, so that you’re not wasting your or potential partners times.

So then, my friends are like, “Ok … but are there any ways that they’re tied?”

To which I say, “Hell Yeah!”

#8 Rapport
So, you’re at a bar. You’re chatting it up with someone, and you two have great rapport! You decide to meet with them when you’re sober and your rapport is still phenomenal. And things are awesome. A productive evening because of the bar.

But, sometimes, you’re at a bar. You’re chatting it up with someone and two have great rapport! You decide to meet with them when you’re both sober, and it turns out that your rapport was aided by alcohol. And things are awful. Another wasted night because of the bar.

With online dating, sometimes people require lots of time chatting online, talking on the phone, and establishing a sense of trust before taking the plunge and meeting in person. However, online rapport, phone rapport and even webcam rapport can be VERY different than rapport in person. So sometimes, even though you’ve put a lot of work into getting to know someone via electronic means, when you meet them in person … it turns out be a waste of time because your in-person rapport sucks.

But of course, just like switching from drunk to sober … switching from online to in-person can be just fine.

And then my friends say, “So, I feel like dating someone you meet online is like buying a car without going to the showroom first.”

To which I respond, “Well, except for the fact that I'm not really a fan of that analogy, there is one big advantage to meeting people in a bar first. What you see is, sort of, what you get.”

#9 Senses
So, you’re a bar. You can see, touch, smell, feel, hear, and sometimes even taste your potential future partner. Biologically speaking, this is actually really important to mate selection (do I smell a post for a later date? Hell Yeah!). Although usually they smell and taste like alcohol, being able to do these things is, biologically speaking, important. Even though your judgment might suck, you get a good general idea of how the person physically exists. Sometimes, nights aren’t wasted at the bar.

With online dating, there is a rift between how a person exists online and how they exist in real life. If you’ve only seen a picture of someone, it doesn’t describe their 3 dimensionality (not to mention that sometimes people show up and can look VASTLY different than the pictures they’ve provided). Also, while you might like the way someone looks via a picture, you may hate the way their voice sounds. OR, you may like the way they look, like the way they sounded via webcam, and then show up and their scents (either artificial or pheromonal) may just totally turn you off. Another wasted online effort.

And then I always like to close with my favorite joke that only folks from Philadelphia will get (and my apologies to anyone who identifies as a Manayunkian. I know that when you’re not in the bars, you’re probably not as douchey).

#10 Manayunk
So, you’re at a bar. Either a DJ or a cover band is playing top 40 hits. Everyone around you is either a dudebro or a bitty (the dudebro’s female counterpart). Everyone apparently bought their clothing at that “I was in a Greek organization in college and don’t know how to move-on” warehouse. As a woman, at any age older than 26 you are a cougar. You attempt to talk to people, but they stare at you blankly when you use polysyllabic words. Another wasted night at the bar.

Online dating allows you to not date people who go to bars in Manayunk.

(Again, I don’t like to generalize, and it’s not THAT bad. And not everyone in Manayunk bars are like that. If you ever rock a bar in Manayunk, you might just love it.)

At the end of this rather long and detailed conversation, I like to end by saying, “Whether you decide that you still are going to find love in a bar or take the plunge into the world of online dating … I hope you’ve at least learned something. I also hope that you realize that there are legit and rational reasons for anyone to try online dating. So in the future, perhaps you can be less of a hater when talking about people who choose to date via the internets.”

Keep Thinking!


Monday, March 8, 2010

Dr. Granville

Erotica Throwback. Enjoy. -Becca

PS. The Erection Physiology Lecture is total fantasy. Just keeping your knowledge up.

“More touch. Listen, you’re never going to pass if you don’t touch more than my tits, ass, and cunt. There is more to my body than those three parts. Lesson 1, remember?”

As she yelled at him, his breath intensified and his cock got so hard it was almost painful. She was a rigorous instructor, and wouldn’t stop until he got it right.

He thought back to the day it started.

He entered the class late.

Ha had entered this way for the past few lectures.

Not late enough to be too disruptive. Just late enough so that he would be seen as he walked through the class.

It was for her.

She was a substitute instructor in his Human Sexuality lecture. The rumors that this class was a GPA boost because it was all based on bullshit introspection proved true originally. As long as you turned in the assignments, it didn’t matter what you wrote. Well … until she showed up.

“Here’s something I know. I know half of you are in here because this class is marginally interesting and you want to learn about Sexuality. I also know that half of you are here because the normal professor is so old that you know he falls asleep before he can finish grading assignments. To the formerly mentioned group, we will get along just fine. For those of you in the latter category, you will put in the work to learn. If you don’t I will fill your spot with someone on the waitlist. Welcome to college, loves.”

And she wasn’t fooling around either. He started failing after her 3rd week. Not because she wasn’t a great instructor. She was. He had learned more about his sexuality in 3 weeks that she had been there than he had in the entire 19 years of his life.

The problem was that she was a slammin’ hottie. Olive skin, light eyes, brown hair, a killer bootie and the woman could lecture like no one he had ever experienced.

And all the homework was still introspective, but for real. So every time he went to write, there she would be, in his head. He couldn’t shake it and could never clear his head long enough to finish adequate assignments.

So he started coming to class late. Hoping that his slightly frazzled late appearances might be a good cover that he could milk to explain his recent failures.

“And that is physiology of male g-spot stimulation. When we resume next Tuesday, we’ll be discussing role plays that center around the exchange of power, highlighting the role of the submissive. Also, is Mr. Desorio here? Ah, yes, you need to come visit me during office hours. We need to discuss your performance. Or rather, lack thereof. Have a wonderful weekend, everyone.”

“There you go Mr. Desorio. When you stimulate the whole of the network of nerve endings in the skin … you … get … a … better response. Mmm… god. A much better … response. Uuggh.”

He remembered the skin rule. He just preferred when she yelled at him a little bit. As he ran his hands from her face, down her neck, across her always hard nipples (how did they do that?), into the warm, damp crevices between her legs, to her calves, his cock pumped fuller with blood as she trembled under his hands and he remembered the first time she yelled at him.

“Flip me over and touch there too. We’re never going to get to penile vaginal if you can’t get these simple lessons Mr. Desorio.”

“Yes Dr. Granville.”

He took a deep breath and stepped into her office.

“Mr. Desorio, we have a problem. You have been late to my past 3 lectures, which is disruptive. You have failed to put any actual thought into any of the assignments that I’ve given. As I mentioned when I took over, there are plenty of people clawing to get into my class who will complete three weeks of assignments to be seated in my lecture.”

“I know … I just … have been having some issues.”

“Mr. Desorio. I’m not convinced by your ‘showing up slightly late everyday, failing assignments, call for help’ strategy. Even if it were pointing to a real problem, I still wouldn’t really care. I only work with those who want to work. People who want to work don’t let their personal lives get in the way, no matter how hard that is. So perhaps you should consider seriously if you should maybe withdraw from my class and let someone deserving take your spot.”

On the one hand, he was stoked that she had noticed him. On the other hand he was in jeopardy both because she had totally called his bluff and because he was starting to get a raging woody. Crap. He could either stand up (well not literally) and hope that taking a stand (again, not literally) would sway her to let him stay in the class. Or, he could grovel.

“Listen, Dr. Granville, you’re right.”

She was surprised, good.

“I haven’t put in the work that I’ve needed to. (…crunch time. Blunt and honest … or grovel. Okay, blunt.) And it’s your fault. You are so incredibly intelligent and your lectures have changed my entire life. And so when I try to write assignments, all I want to write about is you. The assignment on genital self exploration … all I could imagine was you exploring my genitals. The prostate massage assignment we have to do over the weekend? I can’t imagine someone who could teach me any better than you. Maybe if you tutor me I’ll start to do better.”

And then she did something that surprised him. She brought her hand to the clip holding her hair in place and let it down. And she unbuttoned the top two buttons of her shirt, so her cute perky tits made the slightest of appearances.

His cock, which had been, up to that point, on the fence in terms of whether to be hard or not, came completely to life. Shit.

And then she walked around the desk and sat on the arm of his chair and brought her mouth close to his ear. Her breath kissed his lobe and he shuddered in anticipation for something he had imagined so many times.

“What you just shared with me is very close to being sexual harassment, were this not a confidential space. To be completely frank, I could care less that you’re having little fantasies of me when you do your homework. You need to get over it, immediately. You want to stay in my class? Do the work and stop making up excuses.”

She then she buttoned her shirt back up and clipped her hair back into place. Not exactly what he was expecting. Damn.

“As if I would risk my career to fuck you. There have been much hotter and much more experienced men who have walked through this office asking me to do the same thing. I have worked too hard and come too far to risk it all hooking up with a student. I expect you’ll be on time next Tuesday. Now get out.”


Walking out of that office was potentially the most embarrassing thing he had ever done. And even though he knew he must have hallucinated, he swore that he saw her smile ever so slightly as she realized his predicament.

That Tuesday, she changed the lecture topic to “Erections: Spontaneous, Inspired, and Completely Controllable.”

She lay on her stomach, and he thought his penis would explode. He had been taking lessons for six months now, and they had done more sexually then he had ever imagined. When he started taking lessons she promised that with work they would fuck. Without work, no dice.

And he had worked.

“Tell me what you’re going to do next, Mr. Desorio.”
Dirty Talk

“I’m going to run my fucking hungry mouth all over your amazing body. I want to taste every sexy fucking inch of you. I’m going to start with your ears, and wait until you’re squirming with desire for me to move to your shoulders and neck. Just when you can’t hold out any more and your cunt is dripping with anticipation I’m going to move there. But I’m not going to give you as much as you want because you’ve done nothing to deserve it. And … I want to leave you wanting more.”


“Mr. Desorio, deserve has nothing to do with it. You’ll keep your mouth there until I tell you to move.”

“Yes, Dr. Granville.”

Sexual Multi-Tasking

As his mouth worked her ears then neck then shoulders, he ran his hands through her hair, across her back, down her legs. He started again with his hands on her breasts and moved them slowly down her full, curvy hips, over her fucking amazing ass, and brushed her clit, ever so teasingly.

“Mmm… you’ve been studying.”

Kissing, French Kissing, Etiquette, Hygiene, Trimming, Accessories, Prostate Massage, Self-Touch, Role-Play, Strap-On Play, Role Reversals, Breathing, Sensory Deprivation, Hair-Pulling, Pinning, Sensation Play, Bondage, Discipline, Erotic Pain, Eroticizing Safer Sex, Exhibitionism, Voyeurism, Mouth Work, Hand Work, Anal Play…

More than he could imagine, but he had worked hard to just be here and he wouldn’t stop working until he got to slide his cock into her cunt. He had been allowed to fill it with his fingers, tongue and a multitude of toys, but the two times that she said he was close; he fucked a small detail up. But, judging by her response, today was the day.

His hard work would finally pay off.

After that harrowing meeting, he was determined to not only pass her class, but be her star pupil.

To get her out of his head, he wrote out the fantasies that swirled through his head. With that distraction gone, he actually found that her class had even more impact than if he just attended lectures.

Her class became his success.

Every night was the same. He would sit down at his computer, write about her, and move on to complete whatever homework was due next. The fantasies helped him focus, and actually helped him to excel in other classes.

But still … being her star pupil wasn’t enough. He needed more.

And the final project in the class gave him his window.

“To pass this class, you will need to turn in a project that illustrates the range of what you have learned as a result of this class. The project can be amorphous in terms of medium, but should represent 15 or more hours of work.”

He turned in his fantasies in chronological order (with her name changed, of course) and then did an analysis of how his desires had become more nuanced throughout the duration of the course.

He was pleased with his work until he received an e-mail from her.

“Mr. Desorio.

Based upon your work in my class since our first meeting, we need to discuss your final project … and its shortcomings.

-Dr. Granville”


He must have looked surprised, because he was. This wasn’t something they had gone over. The dirty talk lessons were always on aggressive dirty talk. Shit.

“Please let me eat you out, Dr. Granville?”

“No, Mr. Desorio. That is not begging. Remember the confidence rule.”

He took a deep breath. He couldn’t take this any more. He had been patient, and had not once complained. He flipped her over and straddled her belly so she could both see and feel how his penis was on the verge of blowing up all over her. He held her arms down, so she would have to look at him.

“Dr. Granville. With all due respect, I have been nothing, if not the perfect pupil. I take in everything you say, I follow your lessons to the letter. And I really thought that I would finally get to fuck your brains out tonight. So please just finally submit. It’s fucked up that you would make a man wait this long to fuck a woman who is so incredibly irresistible it takes all his strength not to whip his cock out at every empty moment and masturbate to the thought of everything about you.”

He lowered his mouth to her ear and whispered.

“So, please. Dr. Granville. Give my poor dick a break. Let me grab those condoms that have been taunting me for six months, slide one over my cock, tease your beautiful hole with my tip, and slide it into you so slowly so that not only can I feel every millimeter of your amazing vagina closing over my piece, but so that you plead with me to go faster so you can fully experience my girth inside you. So that I can fuck you until you beg me to bang you until your cervix can’t handle being slammed into any more. Until you’re screaming for me to pull out that big fucking thing you call a vibrator on your clit so you can have a body-rocking, sheet-staining, glass breaking, nail dragging orgasm. Because I really don’t think that I can wait any longer.”

“Now that’s begging. Good confidence Mr. Desorio. But … no.”


“Mr. Desorio. Your work ever since our talk has been incredible. Some of the best I’ve seen out of a man … ever. And don’t look at me like that, it makes a difference that you’re a man. However, your final was disappointing.”

“I put way more than 15 hours into it though. I think that’s pretty obvious. All you said was that it needed to reflect 15 or more hours of work.”

“Mr. Desorio. You obviously passed this class. Stop your whining please. What I’m disappointed is not the amount of time you put into this. The disappointment is the conclusion that you came to. You said that your sexual desires have become more varied. However, if you actually reviewed the erotica you turned in, you would notice that every single one ends in penile-vaginal intercourse –“

“Not all of them do. The one where --“

“Mr Desorio! Do no interrupt me. Yes there are maybe two of the whole lot that end in penile-anal contact, but the other 100 do not. Why you’re here is because I am disappointed with your conclusion. What you’ve proven is you’re still the intercourse obsessed straight man that you were when you started this class.”

And then she said it.

“Which proves that I didn’t do my job as an instructor. You require further … more hands on … lessons. This is my home address. Get yourself tested, and once you have your results, meet me there every Tuesday and Thursday at 10p. You will be on time, you will be showered, you will have impeccable attendance and you will be ready to work. I will assume that your more than obvious erection is your acceptance. You may go.”

Face beet red, he tucked his erection into his waistband after he turned his back to her. His penis was a rock for the entire 25 minute walk back to his house. When he got home he immediately locked his door, and pulled his pants off. He stroked his cock with a vigorous stroke, imagining her riding him, wetness dripping out of her onto him, her hair wild, his hands caressing her sinuous curves. He came so hard it splashed him on the face and he passed out until his housemate knocked on the door to make sure he was okay.

Explaining the dry cum on his face took some creativity, but was totally worth it.

“No? Dr. Granville, my penis is going to explode all over your naked body, and all this built up sexual tension I just created for you will go to waste.”

“Calm down Mr. Desorio. I just mean, no, you won’t be putting the condom on. I’ll be doing the honors. I’ve never seen a penis so rigid, and I want to enjoy it.”

He almost came just from that comment, but held it together.

She stood him up and knelt before him, and placed his cock in her mouth ever so briefly. She wasn’t making it easy, but his eyes had been on the prize for so long, he manned up and kept himself from coming all over her right there.

She slid the condom on, and applied a little lube (to increase condom life, he remembered).

He couldn’t wait any more. He pushed her onto the bed (throwback from his lesson on erotic dominance) and before he put his cock anywhere near her, he kissed her hard on the mouth and whispered,

“You’re going to wish that this had happened so much sooner than now Dr. Granville.”

“Prove it, Mr. Desorio.”

He grabbed her hands and put them above her head and bit her softly on her neck. With one hand holding her wrists in place, he moved his hands to her lips which where moist and swollen with arousal.

Her body shuddered at his touch and he worked his finger over her clitoris. As she tried to get out of his hold he massaged harder, managing to hold her in place and maintain his pin.

He slipped one finger in. Just once. He watched as her hips begged for more.

Oh, he’d give her more.

He grabbed his cock and rubbed the head all over her vulva. Their breath intensified as they both anticipated what was to come.

He pushed the head of his cock into her waiting hole and she gasped in approval. He immediately removed it and went back to biting her neck.

“Mr. Desorio, I recommend you fuck me soon or you’ll be leaving.”

But he knew her game.


“Ah, I see. Mr. Desorio. From the moment you walked into my office when you were in jeopardy of failing I have imagined crafting you into the perfect tool of sexual gratification. And you have exceeded all expectations I could ever have. You deserve the one thing that you have coveted for so long. Please fuck me so that I can envelop that magnificent cock you’ve been blessed with. I want my lips to wrap around you as you thrust so deeply into me that breathing is difficult and somewhat unnecessary.”

“We should’ve had a lesson on begging. I could’ve learned something.”

He took his cock in one hand and spread her swollen lips and slowly plunged his cock into her wetness. About halfway into her, she clamped her muscles down tight around his cock and it took all his concentration not to bust immediately. Slowly at first and then more vigorously he rammed his cock into her as she moaned and begged for more.

He pulled out her vibrator, and put it on her clit. She was so wet he could hear the wetness moving in time with his thrusts. He worked a nipple with one hand, the vibrator with the other as her hips arched upward toward the stimulation. Her whole body shook as he continued pounding her, and he knew he was going to blow soon.

“Mr. Desorio, I am cumming so hard it’s indescribable. Do … not … stop… ugh … “

As she reached the apex of her climax, he could no longer exercise the control he had up until this point. His moan started as a low groan and turned into a man sized moan to match hers.

He came so hard that he lost muscle control and collapsed on top of her. She grabbed the base of the condom and pulled him out of her. She placed one, gentle kiss on his forehead.

“I think I still prefer when you’re in drag and I’m fucking you like you’re a woman, but this was a very close second, Mr. Desorio. Well done. You pass.”

Thursday, March 4, 2010

I’m More Likely To Suck Your Cock If It’s Small

Every Tuesday, some friends and I rock pub trivia at a local bar. Not only was the title of this blog our team name, but it’s also the inspiration for this post. Based on responses to my last post, I feel that the little guy was not given his due. In a world obsessed with big cock, I want to talk about reasons why having a small – average penis creates some serious advantages. (Note: This post is not intended to make big donged dudes feel bad … but I feel like the world has your back most of the time. So just chill.)

This post is an opinion piece (which means that the things I am writing are not true for everyone). If it changes your mind about small cock, that’s wonderful! If you’re still a size queen at the end, that’s cool too. But what I hope, is even if you’re still personally a size queen, you may give more respect where respect, in my opinion, is due.

This piece is based both on personal experience and stories that folks have shared. I just like you to know where the opinions are coming from!

So let’s talk small cock.

1: “I’m more likely to suck your cock if it’s small.”
  • Your mouth doesn’t get as tired as quickly as it would with a wide penis. This means that when a dude with a small-average (“S-A” from here on out) penis is getting blown, he can expect longer BJs (if he can hold out, of course).
  • It is much easier to protect the S-A penis from your teeth. Wide cocks take up lots of space in your mouth. This means there’s always the risk of shucking skin off the surface of a wide cock, or breaking the condom you’ve put on that wide cock. If you decide to protect the wide cock via the cover-your-teeth-with-your-lips route, you risk cutting up the inside of your mouth. So it’s either, cut him up or cut yourself up. When blowing the S-A penis, those concerns may still be there, but they’re not as epic. Because there’s more room inside your mouth, it’s easier to protect dudebro or the inside of your mouth from being maimed. Again, contributing to longer, more willing BJs.
  • And although this can happen with the S-A cock, with a wide cock, drool … gets … everywhere. Whether you want it to or not. At least with the S-A cock, you’ve got a bit more choice in the matter.
  • A long cock, when put into the mouth as far as it will go, will always hit the epiglottis, which then triggers the gag reflex, which then leaves the person giving head fighting not to vomit all over said penis. Truth be told, some people can control that reflex, but many can’t. With the S-A penis it is more likely that dudebro will be able to get his penis balls deep into the givers mouth (which as I understand it, feels pretty amazing).

2. Speaking of balls deep, let’s talk penetration.
  • The S-A penis saves the ladies from a cervix pummeling. Now, some ladies are totally into having their cervix repeatedly slammed into during penetration. For some, however, this can be extremely painful, and results in her pushing his hips back so he can’t penetrate as deeply, results in him needing to hold back on the power of his thrusts, and can even mean that certain positions are no longer on the list of things those people can do. So even though I know there are some positions that S-A penis owners can’t rock because their penises aren’t long enough … having a long penis can also take positions off the list. And, speaking of balls deep, it is more likely that in any position, a dude with the S-A penis can rock hard, powerful, balls deep thrusts without causing discomfort for their lady friend. (And PS S-A penis owners … rear entry and woman on top are going to be your two money positions. Just as a heads up.)
  • If you’re going for endurance sex, the wide penis can literally become a pain in the ass (or vagina). After a while, fucking a wide penis can result in skin literally being frictioned off the sides of the vaginal or rectal walls, which is painful. Long penetration sessions become difficult or impossible. With the S-A penis, this friction issue is decreased, which means that if you’re in it to win it with a long, endurance style penetration session … the end is less likely to result because of pain.
  • Anal sex is easier with the S-A penis. The wide penis is more likely to cause tearing (especially if anal play isn’t being done correctly), and may also simply just not fit (that goes for some vaginas too, for that matter).

3. Condoms
  • With the S-A penis, your average condom fits. Try to put an average condom on a dude with a wide penis, and you’re going to see that lovely boner deflate because the condom is too tight. Also, the average condom may not be long enough to fit over longer penises, and that patch of skin that isn’t covered … isn’t protected from STIs. So the S-A penis has the advantage in being more easily protected by the average size condom.  
  • Because places that give out free condoms generally have average sized condoms in stock (although if you ask, they sometimes have wide condoms as well), it is more likely that the free condom user will have something that fits the S-A penis.
  • (NOTE: Condoms are not one size fits all.  A large or wide condom will fall off a smaller penis ... just so you know.)

4. Dudes with S-A penises know they can’t just rely on thrusting to be considered good lovers.
  • Anyone can be good at penetrating … but it takes skill and hard work to be good at everything else. Because dudes with S-A penises can’t rely on penetration alone, they have often or will often put in the hard work to gain the skills to be good at everything else. Which can be a beautiful thing. For some, the best sexual experiences are those where everything leading up to the penetration was so amazing, that by the time penetration happens, it’s only a small piece of the experience. Dudes with S-A penises tend to be better equipped for this fact.
  • Specifically when talking about ladies, the extra savvy that the S-A penis owner works to his advantage in two ways. The first is that it takes ladies some time before they’re ready for penetration, and if dudebro knows how to throw down in activities that aren’t penetration, he’s more likely to get there anyway. The other way is that, all a woman’s most sensitive parts are in her vulva (don’t know what a vulva is? Click here to find out). In terms of a woman’s orgasmic potential, penetration usually isn’t the path to her big ‘O’ anyway, and so dudebro packing the S-A penis will probably be more likely to help his lady cum.

5. S-A Cock may also mean S-A Balls
  • And that may mean an easier time of popping S-A balls in one's mouth simultaneously.

So, the next time you bad mouth a small-average penis … think about what it might be like if you put it in your mouth instead.

Keep Thinking!


Monday, March 1, 2010


Cock, Dick, Schlong, Trouser Snake, Chode, Johnson, Weiner, Shaft, Ding-A-Ling … PENIS!

1. So … I’ve heard Penises called “Boners” when they’re hard … but I don’t have a bone in my penis (last I checked)….
Very true. Unless you happen to be a walrus, there aren’t any bones in the penis. And, even though you sometimes hear the penis called the “Love Muscle” it also isn’t a muscle. So … no bones, no muscles … how does it get hard?

Simple! The penis is made up of erectile tissue. When a dude gets turned on, his penis fills up with blood and it feels rigid to the touch.

Fun Fact: When a dude gets a boner, the blood flows in through the center of the penis, and out through the sides. Cock rings work with this principle. You strap the cock ring on (either in front of or behind the balls), and while it doesn’t stop more blood from going in, it does slow down the blood trying to get out. Which means that the penis wearing the cock ring will feel larger and firmer, and will be more sensitive while the ring is on. Make sure, however, if you’re going to use a cock ring, that in the beginning you only wear it for 5 minutes, and then as you get more experienced, feel free to use it for up to 20 minutes. I wouldn’t recommend wearing it for longer than 20 though … as that could cause bruising and damage to the penis. You can wear a cock ring on a soft penis as long as you want.

2. Okay, so can you tell how big a hard penis is going to be by what it looks like when it’s soft?
Not really. Because erectile tissue is so flexible, a dude with a tiny flaccid penis could have a sizable hard penis. And a dude with a pretty big flaccid penis may not experience all that much growth when he gets hard. I’ve heard this phenomenon referred to as Show-ers vs Grow-ers.

A Show-er is a dude whose flaccid penis isn’t that much smaller than the size of his boner. It’s a ‘what you see is almost what you get’ kind of deal.

Now, grow-ers are dudes where their flaccid penises are much smaller than the size of their boners. This is ‘what you see isn’t even close to what you get’ kind of deal.

So what this means is when you’re checking out other dudes’ junk in the locker room, there is no way to know what dudebro’s penis looks like when it’s hard. If he’s 2 inches flaccid, he could be a show-er and have a 3 inch boner … or he could be a grower and have up to a 10 inch boner. One rule that does hold true is that a dudes boner will be larger than his soft penis … there’s just no real way to know how much larger without seeing him hard (or asking him and trusting he’s telling the truth).

3. So, bigger IS better, right?
Just like with everything out there … there are pros and cons to everything. So here are some pros and cons depending upon penis size.

Pros of A Long Penis
  • The outer ring of the vagina and anus respond really well to motion. The longer the penis, the more motion you can get in a single stroke.
  • There’s a guarantee that penetration will occur in most penetrative positions.
  • Visually, some folks find a longer penis more stimulating.

Cons of a Long Penis
  • If the penis is too long, it may be too long to fit into some people’s bodies, and can even be painful for the receiving partner.
  • The longer the penis, the more blood it takes to make it hard, so it may be harder for a lengthy penis to become fully hard.
  • Standard sized condoms may not roll all the way to the bottom of the shaft.

Pros of a Wide Penis
  • The tissues inside the vagina and rectum respond well to pressure and fullness. The wider the penis, the more pressure and fullness will be felt.
  • Visually, some folks find wider penises more stimulating.

Cons of a Wide Penis
  • If it’s too wide, it might not fit into certain bodies.
  • Standard condoms may feel too tight (you can totally get wider condoms if this is an issue, however).

Also, something you should keep in mind is that the average vagina length is 4-6 inches and the average rectum length is 6-8 inches. Which is why the average penis length is 5-6 inches. Nature has a funny way of making sense, sometimes.

AND, just so you know, there is way more to sex than just putting a penis inside of something. So regardless of whether you’re hung like a gorilla (1 inch penis) or like a blue whale (12 foot penis), just remember that penis size only matters if that’s the only thing you know how to use. If you get your tongue, hands, and most importantly, brains involved ... you’ll find that penis size isn’t a dealbreaker.

Unless of course you’re hung like a kangaroo, in which case you have a forked penis … and you may not find too many humans able to work with that.

4. Okay, so regardless of what my penis size is … what does a normal penis look like?
Well, all you need is a head, a shaft, and possibly foreskin. It’s normal for heads to be different colors than shafts, or for skin to gradually change color along the shaft. It’s normal for foreskin to pull all the way back when you’re hard, or for it to still cover part of the head. It’s normal for penises to have curvature. Although most penises with curves curve to the left, some will curve to the right, will curve upward, some downward. It may also point straight as an arrow. Heads can be wider than, the same size as, or smaller than the shaft. All penises have a seam running along the underside, some people’s seams will be different colors than their penis, and some dudes will have raised seams you can feel. Some dudes will have really loose penis skin when they're hard and some dudes' penis skin will be really tight.  Also, some people will have little bumps along the head, and that’s chill too so long as they’ve always been there.

Basically, just like the ladies in my post on vulvas, so long as you’re not rocking warts, sores or lesions, you’re penis is a-ok!

Important Note: So, although slight curvature is normal, if you’re experiencing curvature that’s so severe your erections are painful, you may have something called Peyronie’s Disease. Although treatments for this disease are currently limited, it looks like there are options for helping to reduce pain caused by the curvature. Hit up your local urologist, they should be able to help.

5. Foreskin? What is this foreskin you’re talking about?
Foreskin is the skin that all male-bodied babies are born with. And, although foreskin gets a bad rap in this country, it has a purpose. Here’s a metaphor to explain the purpose.

So, just like a bike helmet, the foreskin is there to protect your head. Every day as your penis is chillin’, it gets into microscopic bike accidents (like when it’s rubbing around in your undies, for example). Fellas without foreskin are like bicyclists without helmets. When that bike accident happens, and their head hits the pavement, damage gets done. For a bicyclist that may mean a cracked skull, for a penis it means dead nerve endings. So, a penis without foreskin loses nerve endings every day. Just like a bicyclist who wears a helmet, folks with foreskin don’t undergo the same trauma. They may get in those accidents, but their foreskin helmet protects their head from damage.

Okay … so what does this convoluted bike helmet metaphor mean in real life?

Nerve endings are the things in your body that transmit feelings. So when the head of your penis is in someone’s mouth (hot, right?) it’s the nerve endings that are telling you how amazing it feels. A dude without a foreskin, because of the lack of protection, has less nerve endings than a dude with a foreskin. Sexually speaking, a dude with foreskin has more sexual sensitivity.

6. So .. then WTF, why get rid of the foreskin at all?
In the US it’s usually one of two reasons: religion or tradition.

It’s a part of Jewish faith for boys to be circumcised. So, if you’re a Jewish boy, that’s why your penis is circumcised.

The other is tradition. Daddy’s penis is circumcised, and daddy’s daddy’s penis is circumcised, so junior’s penis is going to be circumcised as well. (We wouldn’t want him to get confused while daddy is teaching him to go pee pee, now would we?)

Really, there is no solid medical reason to remove the foreskin. Back in the 1950s, during the hygiene movement, people used to think removing the foreskin was necessary for cleanliness, but the reality is cleaning is necessary for cleanliness. So, since we are all (hopefully) washing our penises nowadays, there isn’t much of difference in terms of hygiene. All you fellas with foreskin need to remember to do is pull that foreskin back and clean underneath to avoid smegma buildup.

7. Okay, so I know size doesn’t matter, but I still want a bigger penis, what can I do?
First of all, don’t respond to those ads that you randomly get in your e-mail inboxes.

  • Phalloplasties are available, which can increase length, girth or both. What you do to your body is totally your choice, so here are some things to keep in mind when considering a phalloplasty.
  • Just like vulvaplasties, these surgeries are cosmetic, which means they will not be covered by insurance.
  • There are surgeries available that make you look bigger when flaccid, and some that make you bigger when hard. Make sure that you are getting the procedure that best fits your needs.
  • Ensure you go to an experienced doctor with references. Because you’re working with a functional part of your body, you want to ensure that not only will you be able to maintain erections afterward, but that you’ll still be able to pee after the surgery.
  • As with any cosmetic surgery, your penis may not come out the way that you wanted it, you may be left with irreversible nerve damage, there may be scarring, or you may experience loss of sensation. As these are risks, it’s also entirely possible none of these things will occur.
  • Getting a phalloplasty should be a decision you are making for you. If you are only doing it because it’s something your partner wants, I encourage you to think very long and hard about a) your partner choice and b) whether the risks are worth it for something that you’re not doing for you.

8. What about these Viagra, Cialis, deals. I know they help people get it up, but some also say they make my penis larger, is that true?
Sort of. What meds like Viagra and Cialis do is open up the blood vessels in your body to create greater blood flow. So, in terms of helping people get hard, they open the passageways for blood to get into the penis. However, like I also mentioned earlier, the more blood that gets into the penis, the harder and larger the penis may appear. So, it’s a marketing half-truth. Your penis will fill up with more blood, making it look and feel bigger, but it’s not actually going to enlarge past its natural size.

Also, if you’re a healthy dude who doesn’t have issues getting boners, I don’t recommend taking drugs like Viagra and Cialis. Only because if you end up getting a boner for longer than 4 hours, they have to deflate your penis by removing blood with a needle. Not fun, I imagine.

9. No Viagra unless I need it. Check. So, why is it sometimes hard to get hard?
Well, there are lots of things that can stop people from getting it up. Here’s quick list of things that can stand in the way of your little soldier standing at attention:
  • Getting Older
  • Certain Medications
  • Inactivity
  • Smoking
  • Distractions
  • Depression
  • Certain Diseases (i.e. diabetes, kidney disease, vascular disease)
  • Stress

Some of these are easier to avoid than others. If having erections into older age is something that you hope to enjoy, I personally recommend eating well, exercising, and not smoking. Keeping up your fitness helps to keep your lil’ man up too.

Something else you should know about boners is that they do naturally get soft, even during arousal. So, if you’re all hot and turned on and you were hard a minute ago, but now your penis didn’t seem to get the memo, that’s normal. Just hang out with your partner(s) and if you’re in good health, your penis will get back with the program whenever it’s ready.

10. Anything else I should know about my Penis?
Yup! So another cool thing about your penis is there’s more to stimulate than meets the eye. If you were to completely remove your balls (metaphorically speaking, of course), your penis actually extends another few inches or so into your body. So you know area in between your balls and your anus (also known as the taint, the gootch, the grundle or the perineum)? If you or a partner stimulates that part of your body, that’s actually the root of your penis. So there’s more of your penis that can be played with!

Also, in terms of pube maintenance, which is something that dudes have to consider as well, I will refer you to my post on vulvas, scroll to point 3. Another pro for pube maintenance for the fellas is that there will be less worry of pubes getting yanked out as head is happening.